


I Can't Give You Anything But Love

by ZutaraBeliever



Category: CA:TW, Captain America, Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Dorks in Love, First Kiss, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, asexual!steve rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 09:26:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3645213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZutaraBeliever/pseuds/ZutaraBeliever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who knows someday I may win to<br/>I'll begin to reach my prime<br/>Now though I see where our end is<br/>All I can spend is<br/>Just my time</p><p>~ Grace Hayes (1928)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Till that Lucky Day

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Had this re-beta'd. ((Last one left so many spelling errors it was ridiculous)) Hopefully it is better and to those who read it and said nothing, thank you! Please do feel free to comment anytime. No judgments!
> 
> Thank you again!  
>  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Had this re-beta'd. ((Last one left so many spelling errors it was ridiculous)) Hopefully it is better and to those who read it and said nothing, thank you! Please do feel free to comment anytime. No judgments!
> 
> Thank you again!

 

Steve sighed, looking to the ground and then back to Bucky as he took the key. 

“Thank you Buck, but I can get by on my own.” He was confident, strong, with his words but he wasn’t sure he believed them—the Irish blood in him told him to hide his feelings. To just take the pain and shove it away. He’d close the door to her room. Forget it existed and pretend like nothing was wrong.  

“The thing is,” Bucky said, looking unsure of himself as he swallowed and glanced away. His eyes met Steve’s before he continued. “You don’t have to.” With that, his arm came to rest on Steve’s shoulder. “I’m with you till the end of the line pal.” 

Steve took a deep breath.A small smile crept to his face at the meaning of the words. They had been said to him so many times, since the day he first met Bucky. 

He smiled and looked to Bucky, who had still not removed his hand. “Ya know, last time you said that we were about to fight Quincy Jones on the playground.” 

Bucky chuckled, shoving his hands in his pockets. “And hey, that turned out fine, right?” 

“We had matching shiners.” He chuckled, unlocking the door to his now singular home. Bucky stepped in behind him. 

“But they healed up and it didn’t even damage those baby blues.” Buck spoke with an air of sarcasm, but something else was behind it. Steve rolled his eyes and hit Bucky on the arm. “I’ll put on a record..” He said, needing to cancel out the silence. His mother always whistled her favorite songs when she worked around the house. It was odd to not hear it now.

He slinked out of his jacket, opening a window to release the apartment from the scent of death. Bucky smirked and removed his suit jacket and shoes, going into the familiar kitchen to make them some coffee. He’d been over here enough times to remember where everything was. 

He heard the record player scratch as Steve started play his mothers favorite song. 

// _Gee, but it's tough to be broke, kid._

_It's not a joke, kid, it's a curse._ // 

Steve leaned back in the room’s main chair. He took a deep breath and settled into the padded cushions. He could hear his mother singing along with the vocalist. She had a lovely voice, but his mother could match it note for note any day. 

Bucky tried not to make too much noise as he leaned in and saw Steve engrossed in the record.

// _I can't give you anything but love, baby._

_That's the only thing I've plenty of, baby._ //

He smiled softly, watching the little guy pull his legs up to his chest and become one with the song. Mrs. Rogers always played this tune when they were in the house, twice sometimes. She said it was her favorite. 

// _Happiness and I guess_

_All those things you've always pined for_.//

He sighed, going back to making them coffee. He loved to watch Steve enjoy the arts but every time he saw his friend recently it brought up feelings, things he'd rather not talk about. He felt wrong for having such thoughts about his best pal, and he tried his best to remain calm and collected. Or his same old self for Steve’s sake. The kid had just lost his mother, he didn’t need some pervert hanging around. 

Steve sighed and stood. The music filled the air of the apartment with a new life. It was the same old tune, but it held more in it now. It was his mother. It was everything encompassing her and Steve was willing to take it. She was still here, looking down on him from heaven. He took another deep breath as the fresh air from outside and the scent of fresh coffee accompanied the music. It was intoxicating. He began to remove the cushions from the couch. The sun would go down soon, and he was just drained enough from the funeral to join it in the dark of sleep. Bucky smirked, leaning on the doorway as Steve rushed around, grabbing blankets and pillows from what had been his room.  

“Ya know, ya look just like you did when you were 6.” Bucky chuckled as the blonde smiled. 

“You suggested this. I’m just trying to enjoy it.” The little guy stopped in front of Bucky, covered in blankets and clutching several pillows.  

“Here let me help.” He said, grabbing one of the pillows.

“Thanks Bu—“ Steve was cut off when he got a light slap to the face from Bucky’s pillow. Bucky never rough housed too much with Steve. It made Steve angry sometimes, he wanted to be like the other boys. But he didn’t mind right now, only in getting is revenge. “No fair!” Steve chuckled. 

“Alls fair in love and war Stevie.” He smirked. Steve dropped all the blankets and all but one pillow, and used what strength he had to _WAP_ Bucky upside the head. The taller man turned to him. “Oh you’re gonna get it now Punk!” He said, devious glints to both their eyes as Bucky moved to lift the him. He weighed only a bit more than air, and was easily picked up, that is when he wasn’t kicking and screaming.

“You jerk!” Steve said, pounding on Bucky’s back, no venom in his words. 

“I’m doin' this for your own good!” Bucky smiled as he threw Steve on the laid out cushions. Not too hard, those cushions weren't the softest, and as he heard Steve laugh, loud and hard like he meant it, he knew he’d done his job. 

Steve’s eyes were closed, the laugh making his whole body shake as Bucky knelt on the cushion below him, straddling Steve’s calves. He took a deep breath, ignoring what he felt. 

“You are defeated.” Bucky chuckled, Steve sighing and opening his eyes, arms laying across his chest.

“Hey, you used unfair tactics Barnes. Hardly equal warfare.” Steve rose an eyebrow as Bucky stared just a bit too long before seemingly shaking himself out of it and moving to lay beside Steve on the floor, hands behind his head. 

“Like I said: all’s fair.” He smirked. “You coulda done the same thing.”

Steve had to chuckle a bit, turning to face Bucky. 

 “Sure. I could a picked you up and tossed you on the floor. Seems reasonable.”

Bucky looked to him. “Hey lets make a deal: you ever get the chance, I’ll let you pick me up and throw me to the floor alright?” Bucky always talked about the future. He always planned to have Steve in his life forever, he didn’t want to think about losing him.

The smaller man smiled softly, rolling off the cushions onto Bucky’s chest, spreading out as much as he could. Bucky's eyes shot open and he chuckled. Steve did this all the time when they were kids and he wanted to win some stupid game they were playing. He knew he could be easily thrown off, but also that Bucky would never do that. He had once and Steve had had a bloody nose, more so than usual, for a week. 

The brunette sighed. “You win. Happy?” Buck smirked as Steve took a deep breath of the fresh air coming through the window, seemingly leaning against the comfort of Bucky’s chest.

“Very.” He closed his eyes, barely shifting as Bucky sighed. He loved the feeling of Bucky’s chest against him. He always had. When they were kids, and nights had been cold, Bucky crawled into his bed and wrapped him up in his arms. He wasn’t completely muscle, but he was hard enough to give Steve support. He could hear the mans heartbeat, a bit fast, but that could have been because they were rough housing. He loved the rising and falling motion as Bucky took deep breaths. He sighed contentedly. 

This was perfect. 

The record continue to play, filing the silence as the two of them just enjoyed the moment together. That was, until Bucky cleared his throat and spoke.

“I think we should live together.”

// _Till that lucky day you know darned well, baby._

_I can't give you anything but love._ //

——— 

It took him a few days to convince Steve, but finally, they were looking for places together. 

“If we could stay in the same area that would be nice.” Steve said, looking to the newspaper spread out on his moms kitchen table. Bucky had spent the night in his room. Well, his old room. He took his Moms room. 

“I don’t imagine us moving out of Brooklyn anytime soon.” Bucky smirked, not looking up. Steve smiled and handed him a cup of coffee. It wasn’t the best, but it was what they could afford and Bucky didn’t function without coffee. Steve didn’t need it, but the adrenaline form the caffeine kept his asthma at bay, so he drank the sludge. Bucky's sleep mused hair was an adequate distraction from the subpar taste. 

He took a deep breath and looked away from the brunette. There was a reason for his apprehension to living with Bucky. Since they had been kids, Steve had felt something more for Bucky. As the years went on, and they got older, he waited for these feelings to name themselves, to manifest into the hormones, and feelings other girls talked about with guys. If he was a pervert, he just wanted to know so he could keep as far away from his friend as possible. 

But nothing else happened. He cared for Bucky, more so than anyone else, and he longed to do nothing more than to hold his hand, or sleep wrapped in his arms, or even kiss him. But nothing more. He wasn’t suppressing anything, or denying who he was it just…never came up. 

But he knew Bucky thought about things like that. He never stopped talking about dames and how soft their skin was and how it felt to kiss them and hear them moan. Of course Steve had just nodded along, pretending he wanted the same, but he didn’t

Not even with Bucky.

For now, he didn’t know what he was, but he knew for sure what Bucky wasn’t.

“Look for a place with solid walls, no offense Buck but I don’t wanna hear the kinda stuff you get up to on a regular basis.” He chuckled, playing it off as a joke. He was sitting right beside Bucky, the small blonde in his own loose fitting pajamas.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Ya know, if ya actually ever tried to bring a girl home you could just drown us out.”

Steve blushed. Bucky’s smile only broadened. “Listen, I’ll make sure to keep the noise to a minimum alright? You can draw in peace or whatever it is you do cooped up in the apartment all day.” 

Steve knew he was joking, Bucky loved his art. Well, the art Steve showed him. He refused to show him the smaller sketch book he kept only in his room, full of pictures of his best friend. They weren’t…weird. It was sketches from life. Bucky sleeping on the couch, or playing with the other kids while Steve sat on the stoop. They were all from different times in their lives. A recorded history of he and his best friend.

And sure, Bucky didn’t know about Steve’s little hobby, but that didn’t make it weird.

“Speaking of which.” Bucky said, standing to grabbed pencil and circle something in the newspaper. 

“What is it?” Steve said, leaning over a bit. 

“A job.” Bucky chuckled. “We’re gonna have to get some if we plan on paying for the rest of the rent for this place, let alone a new one.” Steve read the posting.

“Buck it’s a painting job for the local theaters vaudeville show.” He asked with confusion. 

“Yea,” Bucky chuckled, raising an eyebrow. “You’re an artist aren’t you?” He patted Steve’s shoulder, nearly spilling coffee all over the newspaper.

“But I’m not that good Bucky, I don’t think I’ll get the job.” He said, honest. “I’ll get a factory job like you.”

If there was a face only protective mothers got, Bucky stole it. “Stevie, you’re not working a factory job.” He said, making sure Steve understood before looking back to the paper.

Steve put his mug down, leaning into Bucky’s field of view, arms crossed. “Why not? I could do factory work.” he scoffed. “Hundreds of guys do it all the time.” 

“Yea well.” Bucky hesitated, meeting Steve’s blue eyes. “You’re not like hundreds’a guys alright? Just. Send in your work, and see if they’ll hire ya.”

 Steve narrowed his eyes a bit, not letting them fall from Bucky’s own. They’re faces were dangerously close to each other. 

_‘Close enough to…’_ Bucky didn’t get to finish his thought as a knock was heard from the door. “Theres the milk. Get it before the sun spoils it will ya?”

Steve was puzzled for a second before standing form the table. “Why don’t you get it you lazy bum?”

 “Cause you’re already up, sweetheart.” Bucky joked, blinking his eyes and pretending to look innocent.

 Steve blushed but hid it as he punched Bucky’s arm. Bucky chuckled, watching the smaller man walk across the living room. He let out a deep sigh. The light of the morning looked good on Steve. It gave him a silver lining, and when he turned to smile at Bucky from the door, the light hit his blue eyes in such a way that made Bucks heart melt. 

He’d tried to find the same kind of girl. All blue eyes and blonde hair, but none of them even came close to Steve. Bucky’s heart was racing as he tried to shove down the thoughts. He would never say it out loud, but he had tried fellas. Not many, he was still discovering things, but enough to know they couldn’t measure up to Steve either. 

 Or maybe it was measure down.

 As the door opened, he heard Steve greet their milk man, Ted Manson.

“Hey Mr. Manson.” Steve said, definitely too cheery for this early in the morning.

 “Well Good morning Steve!” He beamed back. He was a heavy set man, the cliche jolliness following his girth. “One today?”

 “Yes please.” he said, taking a bottle. “Thanks again Mr. Manson. How’s your family?”

 “Well, you know Samantha, all big ideas. She’s gonna try out for Hollywood.” He said, rolling his eyes a bit. “Of course her mothers already fretting at the thought of her little bird leaving the nest.”

 Steve chuckled. “Well I wish her the best. Maybe I’ll see her in the pictures someday! Wouldn’t that be something?”

 Mr. Manson laughed. “Well that would be something, eh?” He said. “I best be on my way, got a few other bottles for delivery today!” He smiled, patting the carrier in his other hand. “You take care of yourself alrighty Steve?”

 “I’ll try Mr. Manson. Have a nice day!” He smiled, waving the older man off as he closed the door.

Bucky heard the entire interaction, smiling at the sound of Steve’s happy voice. It didn’t show as much as Bucky would like, but he loved hearing it. He sighed in nothing but pure affection that hopefully, Steve would never know about.

 “You know you are way too chipper in the morning.” It was all that came out when he wanted to hide how he truly felt. Sarcasm. 

Steve placed the bottle on the table. “I’m a morning person, what can I say?” He chuckled, leaning over Bucky’s shoulder to read what he had circled. “You know, I was thinking.” Steve said.

 “Dangerous past time Stevie.” He joked, grabbing the milk to pour into his coffee. 

 “Shut it, I’m serious.” he chuckled, dangerously close to Bucky’s ear. Bucky took a deep breath, ignoring the breath he felt near his ear, or the urge to turn and just kiss Steve, right then and there. “What if we just…stay here.” Steve was quite with the idea, not knowing how Bucky would feel. 

 “Stay here? Like…”

 “Like you move in and take my old room, I’ll take my mothers old room. I mean it’s the easiest option right? And the rents not bad. And I mean, I know its got a bit of a womanly touch to it, but thats not all bad an—“ 

 “Steve!” Bucky chuckled, cutting him off and turning, realizing how close their faces really were. “I think its a great idea.”

 He could do it. He could lean forward and kiss the blonde. He just had to wrangle up the courage.

  _‘Oh man.’_ Steve repeated in his head, face burning. They were closer than he thought. Hell, with the right gust of wind, he’d fall into a kiss. He wasn’t sure what to do, he’d never thought about it. He’d never been this close.

 Bucky was trying to get in the right headspace. This could go one of two ways. Steve could love him too. Or never talk or see him again. He wasn’t sure if he could handle something like that. 

 The silence was growing, and just as Steve was about to fill it, Bucky’s brain snapped and he pressed their lips together. Steve eyes were wide open as he blushed deeply. And then, just as fast as it had happened, it was over. 

Bucky leaned back, opened his eyes and cleared his throat, still staring at Steve. “I..uh….”

Steve swallowed, his own brain not being able to say anything more than Bucky’s. 

After a bit, and Bucky looking back to the paper, not reading it but trying to figure out if Steve was happy, or terrified beyond all belief, the blonde spoke up. 

“You…You can do that again. If you …want.” Steve said, looking to the floor, blushing harshly. 

Bucky’s eyes were wide before turning back to him and standing. Steve tilted his head up before glancing away. “Bucky…I—“ He was cut off again but by Bucky’s lips, the brunette nearly picking him up and throwing him on the couch. 

Slowly, he ran hands along Steve’s fragile torso. The fabric surrounding him was large and bellowing, causing Bucky to become frustrated.Their lips were still locked together, Steve’s eyes finally closed, enjoying the sensation. He could feel Bucky grow along his thigh and noticed…

He, himself, wasn’t.

_‘NO’_. Steve’s brain yelled.This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to love this. He was supposed to want Bucky naked and on top of him or inside of him. But there was nothing. Nothing but the sensation of their lips, and the ever growing affection in his heart. _‘Damnit.’_

Bucky groaned just a bit, moving to pull open a few of Steve’s pajama shirt buttons, a hand moving down to Steve’s crotch, “Oh..Steve I—“ He stopped, eyes shooting open. He leaned back, still straddling Steve, his own hard on visible through his pajamas. 

 Steve opened his eyes, swallowing hard. “Buck….”

 The worst possible situations ran through Bucky’s head as he stood.

 “God. Steve I..I’m sorry. I got carried away.” He growled, angry at himself. “Listen, I’ve just wanted this so long and I… I thought you felt the same, with he whole kissin’ thing at the table and …You’re obviously not thrilled about me, the same way I am with you I—“

"I...I am! I..." Steve shot up, fidgeting with his shirt buttons. "Buck please...I.." He sighed, breath shaky. "I don't know whats wrong. I like you...I really do!” he hung his head, bangs falling to cover his face.

 Any anger Bucky was feeling fell to the wayside as he looked right at Steve. 

“You.. But you…”

“I know.” Steve growled, looking to the floor in shame. “It’s been like this ever since I can remember.” He sighed,  “I just, don’t know whats wrong with me.”

“Hey. Nothing is wrong with you. You got more medical problems than anyone on this planet maybe...maybe this is just one of’em.” Bucky said, sitting beside him, his hard on gone. 

He could hear Steve sniffling.

"Y..you think so..? " He said, not looking up. 

"I do and hey," he used his hands to move Steve’s face up, blue eyes meeting his own. There was the beginning of red around those eyes, but he knew Steve was too stubborn to let the tears go. "If its not. Then thats fine." He nearly whispered. "I don’t need your dick to tell me you love me, alright?" He chuckled as Steve smiled a bit.

He chuckled, looking down again as he redid his buttons. His body was starting to shiver. He watched Bucky. His sadness grew with the fact that he could’t show Bucky how much he cared like dames or other guys could. "Ya know..." he spoke soft, looking down again "You kind of just... said I love you.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "And you don’t?”

Steve smirked punching his shoulder.

“Jerk.”

"Punk." Bucky chuckled before pulling Steve close. "Listen, we'll figure this whole thing out alright?" He said, kissing Steve’s temple. It tickled a bit and Steve pretended to push him away, but his laugh gave it away. “Now I just gotta figure out where I’m gonna put all my stuff.”

 

 


	2. Dream a While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gee I'd like to see you lookin' swell  
> Baby  
> Diamond bracelets Woolworth doesn't sell  
> Baby  
> ~ Grace Hayes (1928)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!  
> Sickly Steve is sadness. But fun to write!  
> \---  
> Hi guys! Had this re-beta'd. ((Last one left so many spelling errors it was ridiculous)) Hopefully it is better and to those who read it and said nothing, thank you! Please do feel free to comment anytime. No judgments!
> 
> Thank you again!  
>  

Bucky was out. Again.

It was a pattern that was making itself more and more known. Bucky had seemed happy when they were moving his things into the apartment, he’d even taken them out to dinner to celebrate. But after a few weeks, he was distant. He rarely came home when Steve was still awake, and Steve only saw him for a few brief moments in the morning before he was rushing out the door. 

He was determined to get to the bottom of it.  

It was 1 am and Steve should have been sleeping, but he wasn’t. He was in what could be called the living room of their apartment, drawing in the dim light, trying to distract himself. He heard quiet footsteps until he looked up.

Bucky was staring at him for a seconds before smirking a bit lopsidedly. “What're you doin' up Stevie?" He chuckled nervously. “Don't you got that paint job in the morning...?”

"In a few hours." Steve said, putting the pencil down. 

“Don't you uh...think you should get some shut eye?" He said, rubbing his hands on his pants before slipping them into his pockets, trying to look smooth. Steve saw right through him. 

“The bed was cold.” He said softly.

“You coulda grabbed extra blankets from my room.” He said, shrugging. 

Steve took a deep breath, taking in the new scent of lemons and rose. It was a popular scent with the dames. He let the breath out, looking away. 

“Couldn’t sleep anyway.” He closed his eyes before standing. “I’m going to go draw in my room…better light.” He said, grabbing his sketchbook forcefully.

He was breathing hard, worked up at the thought of everything. He couldn’t satisfy Bucky, so of course he looked for it elsewhere. In some fancy dame or some back alley fella late at night when he wouldn’t be caught.Steve was near panting as he hit the small hallway of their apartment. Suddenly, his sketchbook hit the floor, the hand holding it going to his chest. He could barely breath, trying desperately to get air into his lungs. His eyes were scrunched tight as he gaped like a fish. Bucky rushed over, the smaller man falling to his knees. 

“Hey hey, calm down.” Bucky said, rubbing the mans back, “Lift your head okay? Calm down.” He whispered, Steve trying to pull away from his touch. 

He didn’t want Bucky to touch him right now. The smell now even closer, more pungent and it wasn’t helping his asthma. He wheezed out as he tried to breathe. This wasn’t his first attack, and it wouldn’t be his last, so as he plastered himself against the wall, trying harder and harder to both get away from Bucky and breathe, the brunette undid his top button, making sure nothing tight was constricting him.

“You have to stop fidgeting Steve or you’re gonna die!” Bucky demanded.“Let’s get you to the bathroom, the hot steam’ll help. Come on.” he said, lifting the small man to their half bathroom. He ran the tub, making sure the door and the windows were shut tight, hot air filling the room. Steve panted and wheezed, the steam slowly filling his lungs as Bucky rubbed his back, hovering beside him. “Just take it slow okay?”

Steve closed his eyes, leaning against the wall as the wheezing stop. “Wh—e—" 

“Don’t try and talk okay?” Bucky said. Steve shook his head. 

“Who….is…she…?” He said before a dry cough interrupted him. 

 Bucky’s eyes were wide as he looked to Steve, the steam fogging his vision a bit. He quickly stood. “I’ll get some coffee to settle ya…” 

“Tell me now!” Steve yelled, coughing wildly again. “Now, Bucky! I can smell her on you!” He said through coughs. 

Bucky couldn’t help but kneel back down. “Stevie you gotta understand I…I’m keeping up appearances I…”

Steve’s coughing stopped a bit as he looked to the ground. “I knew…” He coughed again, leaning back. “Knew it…” He panted, opening his eyes. 

Bucky looked hurt. “Stevie…” he took the man’s arm before the Steve ripped it away. 

“Go..away….” He said.

“Ste—“

“Go!” Steve yelled, tears stinging his eyes. But he couldn’t let them fall. He knew this was coming.Whether it was another man or a women, Bucky would find someone else, or many other someones. He just didn’t want to believe it. He wanted to believe that this would all workout, that for once in his life things would be different. Things would be better.

But they weren't.

Bucky looked at him, walking out of the bathroom and coming back with a coffee mug in hand, planting himself beside Steve. “Drink this. The caffeine’ll give you a boost. "

“Don’t want your damn coffee.” He growled, nearly shoving it away.  

“Too damn bad Rogers.” He said, making sure he sipped at least a bit of it, the coughing and wheezing subsiding. “Cause I love you, remember? And I’m gonna be here until the day you die. Whether its in an alley or on this damn bathroom floor.”

That stung.

“Then why….” Steve grunted. “Why’d ya go and….”

“Cause I was desperate okay?” Bucky answered, looking away. “I picked up some small, blonde broad and I..I made myself think it was you. Happy?”

“No.” He said softly. And after a while he spoke. “I’m sorry…" 

“Now why the hell are you sorry?” Bucky growled. “I was the one being an ass.”

“Because..” He sniffled just a little, and he blamed it on the asthma attack. “If I could just…If I were normal, you wouldn’t have to—“

Bucky clasped a hand over the mans mouth. “Nope, you don’t say that kinda shit, got it? There ain’t nothing wrong with you. I just gotta learn that the most important thing in my life isn’t worth losing. Not for all the sex in the world.” He said, removing his hand. Steve looked to him, face softening. Bucky smiled nervously. “I promise, from now on…no more broads. Or fellas, or anything in between.” He chuckled. 

Steve had to chuckle, Bucky always came up with the wildest apologize

The brunette slid his arm around Steve’s back, the steam still filling the air of the bathroom. “You forgive me…?”

Steve sighed, still watching Bucky through the steam. He was quite before leaning forward and kissing the man, chaste, but meaningful. 

That was all the answer Bucky needed. 

"Ya know…I was thinking…” Bucky said softly, leaning over to turn off the water. 

“Dangerous pastime…” Steve quipped. earning a light paton the shoulder. 

“Well we can’t exactly say ‘I love you’ in public” He was looking to the ceiling as Steve moved closer, leaning on Bucky’s shoulder. He really was tired. “So maybe we could have a code word or phrase you know, like the big army guys.” He knew how much Steve loved the army.

“Could be fun…” He said softly, closing his eyes. His long eye lashes fluttered for a bit before they fell. 

“Alright,” Bucky smirked, thinking.” If we’re in public’n we wanna say ‘I love you’ or something special we'll just say ‘Im with ya till the end of the line.’ We’ve been saying it since we were kids, it won’t be anything new to nobody.” He chuckled, “What do ya think?” But when his eyes met the top of Steve’s head, he shiftedbit to see the blonde asleep in his arms. His chest slowly rising and falling. Bucky smiled softly, adjusting to pick him up in his arms, bridal style. Steve instinctually snuggled in closer to Bucky’s chest, causing the brunettes heart to swell with affection.

As he laid the fragile man in their now shared bed, he felt more guilty than ever. “I’m so sorry Stevie…” He said softly, eyes a bit red as he slowly moved hair form his face. He removed his own shirt and pants, crawling into the bed. His arms wrapped around Steve, pulling him close. The smaller man shifted, burying his head into Bucky’s chest, a small smile on his face at the warmth. The brunette sighed and close this eyes. “I’m with you till the end of the line…” He whispered, trying out the new phrase as he slowly fell asleep.

——————————————————————

“I love you…” Steve said softly in the light of morning. He had been sick for a few days now, winter did that to people like him. Though the way Bucky was staring at him and clutching his hand made him believe there may be no one else in the world.

Bucky was silent for a second before chuckling sadly and looking down. “You’re such a sap Rogers.” He said, sniffling as well.

Steve shook his hand, weak and pained. The doctors were sure it was just afever but the cough, sometimes accompanied by blood, made Bucky’s heart drop. “Hey…come on Buck..” His voice was soft, face dripping with sweat, now shining against the morning sun. “Say it…”

Bucky’s sad eyes met Steve’s half lidded eyes. He swallowed hard, kissing the back of Steve’s hand. “I love you too, ya Punk.” That made Steve smile, faint, but it was there. Bucky closed his eyes, pressing the little hand to his forehead. A few tears fell, but he tried to hold them in. Steve couldn’t see him like this. Crying didn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t make Steve better. It wouldn’t get the little guy drawing again, or playing records, or making fun of the way Bucky was a clumsy mess after coming home from work. 

It had only been a few months, but they already fit together like a regular normal couple. 

Steve got his art job,like Bucky had told him he would, and was getting offer after offer for commissions.He was so talented. It was a shame such a good artist might be leaving the earth.  

No more wide smiles framed by a charcoal or paint covered face when Bucky’s shift was done. No more lazy Sunday mornings in bed. No more kisses. No more cold nights wrapped around each other. His world was being taken from him and all he could do was watch. 

“B…Bucky?” Steve asked, the brunette’s long staring match with the ground finally broken. 

“Yea buddy..?” Bucky’s voice was shaky. 

“I’m sorry…” He spoke softly, eyes closed. Bucky's heart sank deep into his stomach at those words. 

“Don’t be sorry.” Bucky said, using one of his hand to caress the man’s cheek.  “You can’t help gettin’ sick. You’re kinda built to give me heart attacks, remember?” He tried to lighten the mood, removing a few sweat stuck hairs from Steve’s forehead. “But you’ll get through this I know you will….”

“I’m sorry….” Was all Steve repeated before slowly drifting off to another fever fueled dream. Bucky’s grip tightened. 

“Stevie?” He said, just staring at the sickly man, eyes red rimmed. He hadn’t slept in days. His body had forced him into temporary naps but he had stayed up, wanting to make sure Steve was comfortable. But if this were Steve’s last moments, he didn’t want him to think he had done something wrong. 

“Stevie come on…” Bucky started, voice shaky as he ran his other hand through Steve’s hair. “You gotta stay with me…please? I don’t—I need you. You don’t gotta be sorry for anything alright? You are the best person I know. And this…this sickness is just a quick bump in the road alrighty? You’ll be on your feet and bugging me about posing for you in no time! “ He sniffled, smiling sadly. “Remember when we first met buddy? You were tryin'a take on the biggest guy on the school yard, and I…I came up beside you and we beat the snot outta him. We got a beatin' ourselves from the teacher…” He chuckled, looking to the sleeping figure. “But we were best pals from then on right?” Steve didn’t say anything, or stir. Bucky's eyes welled up. 

“Listen Stevie. You gotta wake up. You just gotta. I gotta tell you how—“Bucky took a deep, shaky breath. “How much I love ya. I love you so damn much. Your stupid smile. The way ya hate coffee….but you still drink it so we don’t waste the pot. The way you’re still so timid when I kiss you…” He was rambling, but it was all he could do to keep from sobbing. “And I know. I know I’m not the best at all the…no sex stuff, but I’m getting better I swear. And you ain’t gotta be sorry. I just. I just need you to wake up so I can show you I’m trying alright…?” He smiled, waiting for a response.  “Please Steve….”

“Finally…” Steve’s mumbling. Bucky’s eyes shooting open. “You know I hate ‘Stevie’…” The sick blonde turned into Bucky’s hand, smiling faintly at him. Bucky didn’t care how sick Steve was, or if he was contagious, he captured his lips. There was a faint taste of copper, but he ignored it as he smiled down to the little guy. 

“Welcome back Stevie.” He chuckled, still sad, but deep down knowing Steve would be okay.  

“I never…went anywhere…” He smiled against the brunettes lips. “You’re gonna get sick…knuckle head…”

Bucky laughed a bit, squeezing Steve’s hand. “I don’t care. And hey, maybe you can be my nurse for a change.” He saw Steve begin to laugh a bit before coughing. He grabbed some of the left over vapor rub they had on hand. 

“Hold on Stevie..” he spoke soft, unbuttoning the little guys shirt after pulling down the dozens of blankets off Steve’s chest. He made sure Steve’s chest was exposed before slowly rubbing in the vapor. 

The coughing subsided as Steve watched Bucky’s careful, yet shaky hand. He slowly came up to wrap a hand around Bucky’s free wrist. “Hey…I’ll be okay…” He said softly, the brunettes eyes uncertain. He sighed, just nodding as he continued to rub in the medicine.  

The silence was soft, needed, and cradled both of them in an air of comfort.

“I love you…” Bucky said softly, wiping off his hand and putting the bottle aside. “Just. Promise me you won’t clock out just yet alright? I haven’t even gotten to do all the mushy stuff…”

Steve chuckled, nearly a laugh if he wasn’t worried about coughing up blood. 

“I better get freakin' roses after this…” He joked, closing his eyes but not falling asleep. 

“Would you settle for a new brush set…?” He smirked a bit. “Roses make ya sneeze.”

“Jerk.” Steve smiled.

“Well, get used to it.” Bucky chuckled. “You’re stuck with this Jerk till the end of the line."

 


End file.
